So I’m still living in the infamous Deronda Drive house in the hills with Peg, "Pinch" and JJ... And things were about to go from weird to just dangerous and straight-up WRONG. I'm so NOT the guy who fucks you're girlfriend - you could be my boy - you could be my real deal homeboy or you could just be a dude who's down with my crew - it's the unwritten "GUY" rule -- DO NOT EVER FUCK WITH ANOTHER GUY'S WOMAN! I mean yeah, sure, girls and guys who are "friends" - C'mon!!! They hook up like 99.9% of the time - throw the fact that they're living together in the mix and you've got the perfect recipe for absolute FUCKING disaster... JJ was about to go on tour with "Fishbone" and a couple other groups on some sort of an I don't know tour. So, that meant JJ would be gone for three weeks and that's right -- me, Peg and Pinch would be at the crib -- ALONE.
 "FUCK" this me and Peg THING gets bad - QUICKLY!...

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TO BE CONTINUED:

Model’s, Rockstar’s, Incredibly crazy goings on and me

So now I’m living in the infamous haunted house on Deronda Drive -- at the top of Beachwood Canyon with Peg, my homeboy "Pinch" - "Pinch" and JJ "The Rockstar" JJ was on the verge of DEATH when I met him -- so then I move into his house (literally) - So, JJ who had just quit a band called The RHCP  - yup The one and only "RED HOT'S" -- one of the most popular Rock, Funk bands of all time and yup -- JJ quits - I can truly say that John didn't give a flying fuck about money, fame, glory, power or any of it for that matter -- John didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought of him - I have no reason to embellish any of this & at this point I just don't give a fuck - My year in JJ's house of insanity and utter lunacy was sort almost too weird to even try to write out. I’m not saying I did not indulge quite heavily at times with JJ and without JJ but JJ lived in what he called the 4th dimension - a new level of time and space. He was and is one of the most talented painters I've ever seen or known and I'm not a laymen when it comes to art - JJ was doing an overabundance of illicit substances and that's putting it soooooooooo lightly and soooooooo pg-13 to say the least -- he begun to smoke and shoot Meth besides a healthy dose of Heroin on the DL and anything he could get his hands on but he did hide his use of "H" very well - he had to - because Peg's house rules were short, simple and straight to the point, "any drugs but NO "H" for or with or near JJ in that house. It was too crazy how he would and did somehow hide shooting up "H" from Peg somehow. JJ would sneak all over the manicured property - around the pool, the pool house, the bushes, trees as well as the garage in order to shoot his heroin.

 So I guess technically he was sticking to Peg’s law. JJ WOULD record songs into an 13 track or a 16 track recorder thing he had set up on the floor of the living room - he'd play his guitars and record songs all day, all night, for hours and hours, days and days, and sometimes even weeks at a time with zero sleep, sure he'd unplug every now and then for essentials but he was in another universe and if you ask my opinion - those very few people who are real artists of any kind - drugs or NO drugs are always in another universe - meaning they’re CRAZY - for real - if they didn't have millions of dollars - they’d be on the streets talking to themselves or in a psych ward or a sanitarium and that’s why they're so talented, Peg would refer to her and JJ as a couple - when the cold hard truth was even though Peg may have loved him, and even though JJ may have loved her - the FACT was that what JJ needed was someone to take care of him and PEG nailed the role - she got the gig hands down - she was his primary caretaker - nurse and mother - NOT his lover or his girlfriend, she would give him baths, feed him, dress him, help with his dentures, make him pancakes or whatever he could somehow try to keep down - she would drive him to appointments, concerts, band practice with "Thelonius Monster" & "Fishbone".

Any sex or intimacy was out the door - JJ was straight up NOT capable of performing in the sex department due to the drugs and his physical condition anyway - PLUS sex is by far the LAST thing on any true HEROIN ADDICTS mind. I came to forge a true friendship with JJ as time went on in that INSANE HOUSE of ours and I will give him props on allot of different fronts - he was and is an absolute genius with regard to being a TRUE artist in just about every respect. One of the best guitar players that has ever lived, painter, writer - basically anything he put his mind to creatively was utterly beautiful.

OK, so now it’s been two or three weeks and I just wrapped the J-Lo movie somehow - GOD only knows how under my living conditions at this point and now I'm working on another big HOLLYWOOD movie and I'm trying so hard to put the deaths of my Father & Grandfather out of my mind - I pushed them away as far away as possible - I pushed my own grieving process out away and anywhere in between - accept for where it should have been - JJ and I had allot in common in that respect because he was doing the same thing with the death of his best friend and soul brother "River Phoenix" it was the only way I could deal and it and it was obviously the only way JJ could cope.

Then we get word that one of my best friends in NYC has passed away from a heroin O.D. - everyone living in that BEACHWOOD house new this friend of mine - his name was "Davide" dead at 23 years old - On his way to becoming one of the most prolific photographers that ever lived and when Davide died - that was the hump that broke the camel’s back - at least for me it was.

The three most important men in my life were now dead - it was surreal - I have no words that can describe where my head went at that point - my shell was starting to become impenetrable - I was starting to feel 100% straight-up bullet proof - I did not want to feel anything with or for anyone - and it would head me into a dark place and that’s when Peg and me started something up other then friendship.

So, it begins to get more and more weird in the house and it would progressively become more and more BIZARRE. And keep in mind - that I’m the only person in the house who went to work every day, I was just trying to keep my head above water, while living inside a maze of iniquity. JJ and I become closer and closer and I was about to start having an affair with “PEG” while he was just a few rooms away and or a hallway. NOT GOOD...

People hook up all the time but when you hook up with a girl and you just happen to be living with her and her "boyfriend" and her boyfriend is now one of you're friends, you've just begun to go down a delicate staircase - a spiral staircase where you don't have any idea where the stairs are leading - basically the only thing you know is that wherever that figurative staircase your on is leading you...

TO BE CONTINUED:

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The six degrees of separation story / novella - part 1.

On October 30, 1993, River Phoenix was performing at the Viper Room with his band “Aleka's Attic” along with “Flea” of “The Red Hot Chilli Peppers”...

The Viper Room was and still is an infamous late night Hollywood “STAPLE”. Everyone pretty much knows what happened that night with regard to River Phoenix. I never met or hung out with River but I would come to learn and know EXACTLY what happened to River Phoenix on that ominous night - It would all happen four years later - in a house at the top of Beachwood Canyon...

A house that was once owned by “James Dean” and YES we were all doing serious drugs. And in retrospect their isn’t a doubt in my mind that house was haunted in one hell of an unnerving way.

CUT TO:

4 YEARS LATER:

I was living in a pretty nice condo in Silverlake - the landlord was crazy and my friend from NYC had just moved in with me and my house-mate, his name was PINCH and he was sleeping in the living room and the 2 bedrooms were occupied by myself and Kung-Pow - Kung-Pow and I met on the set of an independent film and for the most part; he was cool. He then got me a gig on another independent film as the Assistant Director for an actor named Adam Goldberg - if the name sounds familiar it’s because Adam’s been in allot of movies and TV shows but for some reason the only thing people really remember him from was for the role he played in “DAZED & CONFUSED” - he was the quintessential neurotic, intellectual JEW who got his ass kicked in at the keg party by Nicky Katt. He also played the Jew in “Saving Private Ryan” - the funny thing is in real life - Adam’s sort of the furthest thing from that, he’s got a bunch of tatoos and he’s the complete opposite of what we’ve all seen of him play. Anyway he wrote a feature and gets Giovanni Ribisi, Nicky Katt, Clea Lewis, Cole Hauser and himself as actors, he produces and directs 177 pages of the most pseudo-contrived black and white “Swingers” meets “Touch of Evil”. And yes, Kung-Pow got me on board and it most definitely opened allot of doors for me with people and connections - even though in true Hollywood fashion @ the 11th hour I quit - because I got another gig on a major Hollywood motion picture that paid 15 times more then Adam’s film - so I split and worked with Jennifer Lopez - So now Kung-Pow is still working on Adam’s little movie - as what? To this day I still don’t know and I’m working on this enormous Hollywood movie, and Kung-Pow could barely pay his rent and my buddy “PINCH” from New York is now living with us in our living room and I’m being pretty generous with everyone. But I’m also starting to feel like I’m being taken advantage of and I don’t like feeling like that...

THEN:

My Father and Grandfather die within 3 days of each other by straight-out coincidence - so I have to leave the huge movie I’m working on and fly East for the funerals - that’s correct - plural - “Funerals” and when I return after 7 days - I’m a bit RAW to say the least and the whole Kung-Pow and Pinch leaching off me is wearing thin VERY QUICKLY - I need a change.

ENTER:

PEG, Pinch’s very good friend from NYC who I also sort of new from way back because she used to be my other buddy’s girlfriend - Peg was a model and she just moved to LALA LAND from NYC. She was living in a house at the top of Beachwood Canyon with 2 other models - until 1 of them ends up with the dude who wrote “Traffic” - they actually ended up getting married and the other one ends up becoming famous in her own right but what-ever - so now Peg has this house to herself and she starts seeing some dope fiend rock-star - He was in bad shape when I first met him but Peg and I were becoming closer and closer and I guess Pinch told her about my dad. So, she truly seemed to have an authentic fondness for me plus we just got along really well, we had the same sense of humor and I liked her ALLOT. So, one day out of NOWHERE - I was truly at the end of my rope with the whole Kung-Pow situation and Peg says, why don’t you and Pinch just move in with me until you figure out what’s what. Two days later, me and Pinch end up moving in with Peg and JJ. I had NO fucking clue who JJ was, I’d heard of “The Red Hot Chilli Peppers” but I was and am a DIE-HARD Rap fan, so whoever the hell he was meant nothing to me. 1997 would become the most unbalanced, psychotic, insane, certifiable and bizarre year of my entire life - I’m just happy - I’m alive and able to write about it.

TO BE CONTINUED:

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KEEP YOU’RE FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOU’RE ENEMIES CLOSER

OK, So back to XXX & me, Mr. Boston and our company.

Mr. Boston and I were now the owners and operators of a fully fledged XXX production company called “GANKSTA

Films” - we just had NO office or a mailing address - so we used my personal address and or our Attorney’s office and we would hold meetings at “The Roosevelt” which is where Mr. Boston always stayed NO matter what - If Mr. Boston was in Los Angeles - he had a sweet at “The Roosevelt” no matter what, I guess you could say that’s just how he rolled, in retrospect it was such a waste of capital but you know what? I wasn’t bankrolling any of it - so fuck it.

Plus we’ve NOW recruited or rather - we’ve stolen - one of the BEST XXX wrangler’s in the BIZ as our potential third partner, he was also one hell of a number’s cruncher - he knew just about everyone in the industry and with his connections we would be set. You’re probably asking what in the hell is a wrangler? It’s just XXX lingo for a “PRODUCER” or a production manager or both - I didn’t know what a wrangler was either until my buddy. The XXX super agent who also fucked me over every which way but loose asks me and Mr. Boston, “So you two have a wrangler, right? Because if you guys don’t, you NEED one, let me make a call, I have a buddy, he’s a wrangler, I’m not even sure if we can get him for you guys, his name is WAX. Yeah, WAX, one hell of a wrangler - they should have called it the strangler, and one seriously TWO faced cock-sucking mother-fucker.

We actually stole him from Tera Patrick's company - and we should have known better. When people aren’t loyal to the people they’re with - Fuck ME with a chainsaw if you think that same person is going to somehow be honest and loyal with you...

We got a few OK’s from various friends saying “WAX” was WELL worth his weight in gold and just having him on board would open a tremendous amount of doors for us. So, WAX was now part of the team and although I had those feelings in the back of my head - that feeling you get when you get with a girl who broke up with another dude to be with you - and you know it’s only a matter of time before she’s going to screw you the same way she screwed the guy she left - to be with you, that’s how I felt about "WAX" and I was right. I’ve been working in LEGIT Hollywood long enough to know when it, he or she seems to good to be true it, he or she is to good to be true.

So, now it was time for me to shoot and direct my 1st XXX scene. WAX was producing and Mr. Boston would not be on set - he had stuff to take care of in Boston. We scored the girl I wanted - A girl who was on the verge of becoming a MEGA xxx super-star and she did - but then all the do’s and don’t’s came into play - she won’t work with this guy, she won’t do bareback, she won’t do this and she won't do that and on and on we go with her agent - that same sleazy buddy of mine who hooked us up with WAX...

I say the same thing Mr. Boston says, Well is it money? Of course it’s money, it's always money, in Hollywood, in the XXX game - it's always money. So, if we pay her yada yada as opposed to yada yada then we get a yes and another yes, right? Her agent says, my buddy and SUPER pal, says to us, that would be a yes.

Her agent & my friend - what a friend huh - that saying, "KEEP YOU’RE FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOU’RE ENEMIES CLOSER" couldn’t have been more on money.

WAX get’s one of the BEST cinematographer’s in the game to shoot the scene and we told him that it was my VERY 1st XXX scene but I knew what I was doing - all the cinematographer had to do was basically walk me through the scene - I was capable of writing, directing and shooting either A-camera or B-camera and I was able to tell MY TALENT what I wanted her to do END OF STORY - no big deal, right?...

I just wanted a guarantee from WAX that this cinematographer new from the get-go that No-matter what I did, and no matter what this cinematographer did - he was there to help me and that was that - the scene was going to be directed and shot by RAY LAZER. And this seasoned vet needed to know that the finished product would be a RAY LAZER scene, WAX of course gave me every assurance that we were all on the SAME PAGE with this.

In the end - months and months later, this ended up NOT being the case and when WAX was asked about my specific participation in the scene - WAX said, Ray shot B-cam ONLY, he did not direct the scene, he did not shoot the scene - he helped out a little bit by shooting some B-cam stuff.

That motherfucking lying cock-sucker!

FADE OUT:

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The how in the hell did I ever get here story

I've known one of these guys since I was seven years old - he went to one of the best universities in the world -- we grew up together - he then went to a rather elite college and in between college and graduate school -- he get's an agent for the summer - to see what might happen - he's in L.A. for the summer - so he figures - what the hell?...

He ends up getting 3 national commercials in less than 5 weeks and ends up in "Saving Private Ryan" - Talk about - Right place - Right time. He's the nicest guy in the world. Meaning, I’m not talking about some fucking asshole dick bag who came to L.A. and got this amazing streak of good luck.

I call him and say, “I’m moving to L.A. and I need a place to stay until I get situated. He's like, come on out - I’m living in the Hollywood Hill’s with 3 model’s, I'm renting the guest house, it's small but what’s mine is yours - I still feel like I owe this friend of mine and I will owe him forever, he’s just one of those people who gets it, who got it - he did then - and he does now - and the proof is in the pudding - He ended up never working another job besides acting work from the time he got those commercials until present day - He’s been in his fare share of movies and I hear his voice all the time - and he’s still just a great guy. He has 2 children now and he's an amazing father - Maybe if I looked like a Ralph Lauren model - I would have had the same luck as him but you know what, I doubt it...

What happened to him doesn’t happen, it’s like winning the lottery or getting struck by lightening a few times in succession. It just doesn’t happen!

But it did for him and I can honestly say that I have nothing but complete happiness for him with regard to his success and I always will. Like I said, he’s just one of those people who deserved it and does deserve everything that’s come his way.

Living with him led to some crazy times in Hollywood for he and I both.

TO BE CONTINUED:

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The Face Smack chick Story

11:PM - We pull up to “Le Deux” and valets were looming by the entrance with a few faux paparazzi, “TMZ” sorta paparazzi buzzing around; just waiting to capture Rock stars, XXX stars, reality TV personalities and a smattering of B+ Lister's strictly there for pussy. One of the things I truly detest about Hollywood is - the whole getting into these stupid things. Mr. Boston, “Slippy” who was now a rising VH1 “Rehab” star although in his own mind he was an indisputable punk-rapper supernatural being. The party was in full swing as we slid through the entrance relatively unscathed until Slippy had his chance to mug for the paparazzi – if the cameras were rolling & flashing - for Slippy - it was like putting cocaine in front of Tony Montana.

11:08PM – Slippy is done with promoting his relapses to the faux paparazzi and “TMZ” – we’re all inside and “Le Deux” is a very undersized and compressed place – not very um… user friendly...

11:11PM – Slippy was the most well-known person at the party so far – not a good sign...

It was a contest between Slippy, a slew of XXX personalities some MTV reality people I did not know, the entourage from D-12 with the exception of Eminem, and a few other scrubs.

11:45PM - Brody Jenner shows up with a buncha those dumb Reality idiot's in tow and then I see one of my favorite people in XXX: Let's just call him “Lovin Head” – He’s a XXX director and all around nut bag – he is absolutely insipid and in my eyes – fucking awesome! “Lovin Head” loves drinking, guns and choking women in public venues like “Le Deux”…

11:49PM - “Lovin Head” was off and running - I could see that he had a throng of forward-thinking XXX chicks with him and once he starts drinking – all bets are off – somewhere along the way - I then lost sight of them both - Slippy & Mr. Boston – So, I start head over to “Lovin Head” and his crew…

1:07AM – Out of 3 forward-thinking XXX chicks with “Loving Head” that night - One of them who will remain nameless but I will never forget her for the rest of my life – Mr. Boston and I have called her the “FACE SMACK” chick ever since…

1:11AM – “Lovin Head” has now been drinking for a few hours plus whatever else and he’s carved out his own VIP section in the corner - he tends to do that No matter where he is and he's showing off the “FACE SMACK” chick – She was actually VERY attractive with a perfect body! - The NO silicone zone - quite rare for L.A. let alone the XXX game.

1:12AM - “Lovin Head” is behind the “FACE SMACK” chick with his hands around her throat and he asks me to slap her across the face. I’m not really sure how to take the question until I see a buddy of his smack her in the face – it was a shockingly firm SMACK – directly across her face – and she loved it!

1:17AM - “Lovin Head” is still behind my beloved “FACE SMACK” chick with his hands around her throat – Slippy & Mr. Boston have now joined up with me and “Lovin Head's ” inner-circle and we are all sort of mesmerized - “Lovin Head” always had a way about talking charge of situations and basically directing "LIVE" subject matter in public. HE FUCKING LOVED IT!

1:27AM - “Lovin Head” is still behind the “FACE SMACK” chick- he now has his hands around her head – Mr. Boston gives this check a “SERIOUS” smack across the face and she says, "I'm getting wet now." I was sort of afraid that I could possibly be prosecuted for hitting a woman in public like this but “Lovin Head” insisted and so did the “FACE SMACK” chick…

1:28AM – I slap her across the face and she tells me, “That was weak as Mr. Boston comes around from behind and gives this chick the MOST “WANTON” whack across the face yet again – her face swerved from the sheer velocity of Mr. Boston’s FULL-ON FACE SMACK and once again - she says - how WET she’s getting - and this is why she can’t do porn anymore – because NO guy’s can be rough enough with her…

1:37AM – At least 15 different guys smacked her basically as hard as they could and she just could NOT get enough of it – Mr. Boston and I were awestruck, mesmerized and fascinated with this “FACE SMACK” chick and we decided that we wanted to sign her exclusively to our XXX company ASAP.

TO BE CONTINUED:

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THE NEXT DAY - I’m on the phone with Mr. Boston Story

FADE IN:

EXT. A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE - PASADENA, CA - 10:07AM

So, I'm renting a modest Guest House in Pasadena from a guy named Dave, I actually new Dave from way back, he was an actor on TV show I was working on about 2 years after I first moved to L.A. - but Dave's a Blog unto himself, a working actor at one time who had family money which he concealed quite well, In retrospect Dave was and is a total dick, if you've ever seen the film "Weird Science" Dave is "CHET" but Dave would go to AA meetings to pick and screw vulnerable women, he would fuck them like dish rags and he could not walk past a mirror without studying himself for as long as possible - Dave was the older brother I never wanted and still don't. He didn't want anyone knowing he was a trust-funder! Anyway, as I said, we'll re-visit Dave allot because I was renting a place from him while this whole XXX thing was starting up.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MY GUEST HOUSE - PASADENA, CA - 10:07AM

My phone rings. I look at the caller I.D. and it reads Boston.

I pick up the phone and grab my iced coffee as I sit down on the steps of my guest house.

ME

Hello?

MR. BOSTON
I'll have 30 thousand dollars of my own cash to put into this
XXX thing by de end 'a da week, how many movies can
we make wit dat?...

ME
It’s a little more detailed then that…

MR. BOSTON
What da ya mean?

ME
Let me call “Splash”, my manager, I’ve known him for 9 years… He’s my manager, my consultant, my mentor, he's helped and advised me on anything and everything I’ve done in this
town that was worth it's weight in gold, and he knows everyone… I mean Everyone!

MR. BOSTON
Listen Ray! I’m not paying this Fuckin “Splash” guy
one cent!

ME
Relax, I'll call you back after I talk
to him, OK?

MR. BOSTON
Ray! I’m not payin anyone to tell us what we can or can't do...

FADE OUT:

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